impractical shoes and failures in bulk-buying

A Pretty Penny | Jeans and a Tee
{ Blank Denim jeans; Aeropostale tee; Jessica Simpson bag & Mateo suede booties via Hautelook }

 

Hey-o! Look who forgot she’s a blogger last week…

I woke up this morning completely exhausted from the holiday weekend and made plans to be out of the shop by noon so I could enjoy a leisurely afternoon with my ratty sweatpants and a borrowed DVD set of the first season of Shameless.

I threw on my favorite jeans and an ambitious pair of never-worn-but-very-loved shoes, and made my way to work. My staff knew I was hightailing it out of there early as soon as they spotted my feet. Anything over a 2″ heel means I’m not sticking around long.

I decided the morning would go faster if I ran all the deliveries, so I took the first load to one side of the county and then then the second to the other. My last trip wrapped up dangerously close to the Sam’s Club. I’ve been itching to reinstate my membership, and if I run out of toilet paper again I’m going to scream, and one thing led to another… $45 and a very awkward photo later, I was a card-carrying insider to all things bulk.

I walked all over that giant box store, oblivious to any feet discomfort, because it’s difficult to concentrate on anything when you’re surrounded by 10-lb tubs of mayonnaise.

After an hour of aimless wandering, I filled my cart with God-knows-what (essentials, duh) and headed to the checkout. I found a reasonably-populated line and carefully unloaded my treasures onto the belt: 50-roll packs of paper towels and toilet paper, cases of Pellegrino and Luna protein bars, 8-packs of Clorox wipes, enough hand soap to keep us sanitized through winter, etc. Oh, and an $8 paperback copy of The Fault in Our Stars, which I’ve been dying to read.

My total? $189. A steal, really!

I reached into my bright yellow crossbody, extracted my credit card, prepared to swipe… and then the cashier sweetly dropped a bomb. “Oh, I’m sorry, we don’t take Visa charge, unless it’s a debit.” She went on to explain the types of payment they do accept, none of which I had immediately available. I always carry a checkbook! Except today.

I was flummoxed. And screwed; I only had two [now useless] Visa credit cards and a $20 bill on my person. All I wanted was to get my gigantic paper products and snacks off the belt and into my car.

Suddenly my feet hurt.

As people piled up behind me in line and I tried to wrap my brain around the [increasingly embarrassing] situation, I became that annoying customer who mumbles useless statements ad nauseam:

“You don’t take Visa charge? Who doesn’t take Visa charge? I had no idea you didn’t take Visa charge.” Repeat.

After exhausting every option I could think of — “Do you take Paypal?Of course they don’t; this isn’t the Internet, Keira — the seriously kind and patient cashier put everything back in my cart and sent me to customer service to apply for a Sam’s Club credit card.

I considered it… I really wanted those paper towels, dammit! Then I came to my senses. Another credit card is the last thing I need. Defeated and dejected, I pushed my full cart to the side and made my way to the exit.

But wait! I wasn’t leaving empty-handed. I went back to my abandoned cart, dug out the paperback, and used the cash I had on hand to make it mine.

So I kind of spent over $50 and an hour on The Fault in Our Stars?

It better be good, John Green.

Sam’s, I’ll be back for you; and next time I’ll be ready.

56 thoughts on “impractical shoes and failures in bulk-buying

  1. What?! No Visa?! That should be illegal! Or at least they should be required to post gigantic signs everywhere because I would have been in the exact same situation! Thank you for this entertaining PSA :)

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  2. I would read a story like this (or any story) from you every day. Just so you know, we don’t need outfits all the time. Any post is acceptable. =)

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    1. I try to reply to comments but, admittedly, I’m not as good at it as I’d like to be. My business (unrelated to the blog) consumes the majority of my life, but I try to carve out time to interact with readers and respond to questions/comments. Some weeks are better than others. I’m working on it! :)

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  3. I love it… plus I can completely understand the Sam’s thing as my boyfriend just got us a membership – which I didn’t think we needed until I was walking around Sam’s. We needed it, everyone needs it!!!

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    1. Everyone does need it! My parents bought us a membership a few years ago for Christmas, and I was all, “what the heck am I going to do with 20-lb bags of rice?” But it’s worth it for the stockpile of toilet paper alone. ;)

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  4. First of all, I love the shoes! Second, I have totally done the same thing! I loaded up my Sam’s cart with everything I needed…cashier rang up $200 just to find out….they don’t take Visa CC. So embarrassing. It’s 2014 people! Time to accept all forms of money.

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  5. The same exact thing happened to my mom and I at Costco. One laptop and a Samsung tablet, to the register we go and then we don’t. It is such an odd thing when stores don’t accept all forms a payment. Aren’t they hurting them selves in the end? I guess not because all my mom did was apply for an American Express and a Costco membership. So a laptop and a Samsung tablet and we are off!

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  6. Ugh that is my one beef with Sam’s/Costco… I’m always in a panic when I make my way to the checkout… does my checkbook have at least one check in it?? (I’m notorious for forgetting and walking around with it empty and useless full of deposit slips… who uses those anymore? Hello, atms?!) I feel your pain!

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  7. I adore John Green. He writes beautifully and doesn’t dumb things down simply because he’s writing for a younger audience.

    I also love stores like Sam’s Club and Costco. Though I do notice I end up buying useless items that I totally “needed” at the time.

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  8. Stores like that make my mind malfunction. Thankfully we have other options. But if you enjoy it, best wishes.

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  9. 1st… The Fault Within Our Stars is one of my favorites, 2nd… This definitely describes my life on the daily. You don’t know how many times this happens to me…you would think I would learn? nope…. Bahahha I am excited to read on!

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  10. I always struggle with whether or not bulk is actually better. I have been burned a few times having to throw away massive quantities of food (I have to stop going to Costco when I’m hungry). However, I have to say my giant 2 gallon bottle of Windex has been the best thing ever. I have cleaned just about every surface in my house 10X over and it’s not even a quarter gone. Best purchase ever.

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    1. I struggle with the bulk conundrum myself… For home, it’s not practical because it’s just my husband and me. But for our business, I’m all about stockpiling paper/cleaning supplies.

      And let’s be serious, you can never have too much Windex. ;)

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